The Honest Truth

It doesn’t happen in a day. Or a month. Or a year. Because you see, if that love was true, you don’t necessarily get over them. You won’t ever forget them. You won’t ever have those memories leave your mind. You won’t ever truly stop loving them.

I feel pathetic for missing you who stopped missing me. I feel stupid, and alone.

But looking back, I should have never been judged. And I shouldn’t be judged now. Because unless you go through something as heartbreaking as a breakup with someone you thought would be your forever person, you have no right to say how I can or cannot feel.

Real life doesn’t have clean breakups. Real life is messy and broken and bending. It is a constant pull and push of feelings and emotions that are ever changing.

So, you want the honest truth? The honest truth is that i will never truly stop loving you. Sure, you will fall in love with someone new. Sure, you will eventually get married and have kids of your own, without this person. And your life will be fulfilling and beautiful and wonderful.

But your first great love?

You can’t forget them. You just can’t. No matter the time that has passed. No matter the amount of therapy you go to. No matter how much you love yourself.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to accept this. That I need to accept that you will always have a special place kept inside of my heart. And I need to accept that that’s OKAY.

And by ‘love’ I don’t mean in love. I just mean that I will always look back and think fondly of you. I will look back and still love the way you used to smiled at me. I will look back and think, damn was I lucky.

Don’t kid yourself into thinking that you can forget them. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that you have the ability to hate them. Don’t try to sugarcoat it. And don’t try to feel a certain way, just because other people are telling you to ‘don't worry there're better fishes in the sea that deserves you’.

When love is real and true, there is no way to fully get over it.

And maybe it doesn’t have to be so bitter. Maybe it can be sweet too. Because when you have a love like that, it’s a privilege. It’s a gift. It’s something that not a lot of people get to experience. Real love is rare.